also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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