Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
