booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
