Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
