That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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