i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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