the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
