If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
