i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
