We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
