I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
