dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
