Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
