I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
