I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
