Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
