a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
