i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
