I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
