I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
FUCK WHALES
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