I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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