Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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