I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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