The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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