They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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