those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
