8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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