eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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