They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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