You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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