I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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