ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
