We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I currently don't understand fingers.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
