I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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