Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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