Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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