I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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