I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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