Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
