Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
