On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
