I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
