i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this boner is exhausting
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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