she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize