My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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