i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
