maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
zippers are such a cool invention
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
