her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
