Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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