Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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