So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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