never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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