I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
