If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
