It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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