Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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