im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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