i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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