just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize