JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
