"it" just moved
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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