giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
