I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
